I was looking for something "light" to read, so I did a search for the word "beginners" in the Amazon on-line bookshop.  100's of hits came back, sorted in alphabetical order.  I had soon scrolled down to the books beginning with "B", and found one called "Brain surgery for beginners".  I was immediately overcome with disbelief that any body could be so irresponsible as to write a beginners book on something so complex and dangerous.  I could imagine chapter 2:

"If you granny has a headache, don't assume its a simple migrane.  It might be a budding tumor on her frontal lobe.  You love granny, so you owe it to her to find out for sure.  Take her out to your dad's garage the next time she wants to go for a walk.  Talk to her to make her comfortable and relaxed.  When you have her near the workbench, tap her gently on the back of the head with a 16lb sledge until she falls gently into unconsciousness ( see Anasthetic ). Place her head in the vice, ensuring the top of her skull is protruding on the opposite side such that it would be easy to take a quarter of an inch of bone off.  Take care when closing the jaws of the vice not to damage her ears.  If she has a hearing aid, you might want to remove it.  If the vice jaws have those nasty little teeth for enhanced grip, you may want to use a few j-cloths as padding.  Make sure they are clean.  When your granny is thus secured (see figure 3 ), you are in a position to remove the cause of her headache.

Hacksawing off the top of her head is a delicate operation and must be performed in good light.  You will achieve a cleaner cut if you are using a brand new blade.  Again, and I feel almost silly saying this, make sure the blade is clean ( see Sterility ).  We don't want loose axle grease getting embedded in granny's cranium now do we ( answer page 59 )?  Ensure you saw with a steady rhythm.  I find it easier to do this by listening to my MC Hammer album but you may find that simply counting 1-2, 1-2 is equally effective.  When the sawing is almost complete, prepare your left hand to catch the top of the skull as it hinges over and falls off.  You mustn't let it hit the ground and smash or you will be left with no skull top to put on after the "op" ( see glossary ).  If you are unfortunate enough for this to happen, maybe because you are blind or drunk ( or both? ), you will have to take her to a panel beater for repair ( see Cosmetic Surgery ).

Assuming you have been successful in the top removal, it is now time to find that nasty little tumor.  Locating the frontal lope is the first step.  It is located at the front ( see figure 4 ).  A flashlight or cigarette lighter should help illuminate the scene.  A tumor looks like a spot on steroids ( see figure 5 ).  In extreme cases it may throb and spit acid at you ( see
Alien 3 ).  If you do find one of these, leave the op theatre casually but promptly, and call in an air strike.  If the tumor is one of the less agressive ones, your granny stands a chance of pulling through.  In the absense of expensive laser equipment, take your dads oxy-acetylene torch and crank it up to a nice pure blue flame.  You can be sure you have it at the right setting ( 1000 degrees ) when it starts making a calming hissing noise.  Eradicate the tumor in a piecemeal fashion by moving the very tip of the flame over it in a zig-zag pattern. Repeat as required.  If granny shudders and kicks her legs you are pressing the flame in too far so stop it.  When the op is complete and the brain looks clear, take a look at the back of the brain for Alzheimer tumors.  If you find one you might as well cure of her of that while you're at it.  See next chapter for details.

Once complete, it's time to stitch gran up.  Place the top of the skull back, ensuring it is correctly aligned coz you don't want her to find that her fringe is suddenly at the back of her head and she looks a bit like a shetland pony  when she wakes up.  Secure it will staples out of your da's carpet staple gun.  Drag her back into the livingroom and place her gently into the sofa in front of the telly.  She should wake up in about 1-2 hours. When she does ask her how she is feeling and if she'd like a cup of tea."

So, having imagined all that before you could click a HTML link, I clicked the HTML link.  I was horrified to see the books stats - 62 pages!!  How could the complexity of such a subject be explained in 62 pages!! It would take at least 80.  It was then I realised that it was a kids book, complete will illustrations of smiling and dancing brains.  Oh, right, I see.  I think it was to make kids unafraid of brain surgeons, just like Postman Pat made them afraid of evil mailmen and Thomas the Tank Engine made then unafraid of on-rushing steamengines. Noble cause.  I must get a copy.